Are You And Your Partner Struggling To Find Common Ground?

Do you feel like you and your loved one argue in circles without ever resolving anything? Are you frustrated or even resentful because you don’t feel like your partner understands you, hears you, or respects your needs?

Perhaps you are in a marriage that has evolved over time, and you are looking for ways to connect on a more meaningful level. Or maybe a breach of trust or betrayal has you wondering if you can truly rely on your partner anymore.

Relationships and marriages—even happy ones—can fall victim to communication problems and trust issues. At times, it probably feels like each of you are only interested in proving your point rather than meeting the other’s needs. It may seem like your partner is being irrational or stonewalling you, which makes you angry—and ashamed because you feel like you aren’t supposed to get mad at your spouse.

The stress of raising children, working, and tending to the daily grind may be driving an unseen wedge between you. And sexual infidelity, an emotional affair, or a financial breach of trust could be making you question the future of your relationship. At this point, you’re probably beating yourself up thinking, “Why is this so hard?”

There is a reason why no one says that marriage—or any relationship—is easy. It takes effort and, sometimes, a little professional guidance to keep the partnership healthy. And that is what I am here for. Together, we can work to overcome any relationship problems, improve communication, and strengthen the bonds between you.

All Relationships Encounter Conflict Eventually

Many people think relationships just happen naturally, and in part, that’s true. There has to be a certain chemistry to make one want to pursue the relationship—and it takes time for most emotional bonds to deepen.

However, if one or both parties are unwilling or unable to make themselves vulnerable, it limits how emotionally intimate the relationship can be. Without the willingness to hear each other out or to compromise when needed, individuals no longer function as a team but rather as opponents. Unfortunately, for many couples, the communication gap is often exacerbated by an unconscious fear of expressing what one thinks and feels.

Over time, a lack of communication, trust, and emotional connection can wear at your hopes for the relationship. But the truth is, all relationships suffer from intermittent conflict because each person has their own set of unique needs and psychological dynamics. It is possible to love someone and also be angry at them at the same time—and if you’re looking to share the rest of your life with your partner, navigating conflicts is one key to making it work.

Oftentimes, it can seem like an issue is the other person’s fault, so it can be difficult to understand what is happening in your relationship on your own. However, there are many unseen factors that can create a disconnection between you and your partner. With my help, you can learn to work as a team to get to the core of what is going on and strengthen your connection.

Couples Counseling Can Reawaken Your Love And Friendship

For many couples dealing with relationship issues, simply having a conversation without arguing can be a challenge. However, couples therapy gives each person a chance to say what they think or feel in front of an objective third party who can mediate the discussion.

As a professional, my ability to observe, interpret, and arbitrate your interactions can be an invaluable resource because there is no judgment or bias. Once you understand the dynamics that each person brings to the table, you can set about making positive changes.

In our first session, we’ll discuss the concerns you have for the relationship as well as your hopes for therapy. As you both talk, I’ll observe how you interact while asking clarifying questions so that I can give you insight into what I see going on in the relationship.

While the focus of couples counseling is the relationship, the process will reveal aspects of each person’s psychological dynamics as well as their respective life and family history. If something significant comes up in subsequent sessions, we can work on that in the context of the relationship. And if either of you needs a deeper exploration of those factors on a personal level, I may suggest that you consider individual counseling sessions to address those issues.

To get beneath the surface of the problem, I use a combination of psychoanalysis and psychodynamic therapy. These in-depth forms of talk therapy elevate the unconscious to the conscious level so you can better understand what drives the thoughts, behaviors, and interpersonal relationship dynamics of you and your partner. As you both develop greater self-awareness and learn to observe each other and embrace new information about yourselves, you’ll begin to bridge the communication gap and express yourselves in authentic yet peaceful ways.

When each of you feels heard, respected, and loved, the connection between you deepens, assuring that you will go to great lengths to make each other happy and comfortable. If you are willing to open your mind and commit to saving your relationship, it is possible to create positive changes. In my experience, I’ve seen couples turn around even the most unfulfilling relationships and live with greater happiness and peace. I want to help you get there too.

Perhaps you are considering couples therapy but still have some concerns…

My partner doesn’t want to do couples counseling, but I think we need it to avoid a breakup.

You each have your reasons for wanting or not wanting to go to marriage or relationship counseling, so the first order of business may be for the therapist to help explore what those reasons are. In the end, sometimes we do things simply because the person we love asked us to. A common fear people have is that airing things out in therapy could make matters worse or that the therapist will favor one party or outcome over another.

I can assure you of two things: (1) Two people make a relationship work, and two people make it not work; and (2) I don’t operate with an agenda and will never push you to preserve or disband the relationship or marriage. If you want to stay together, I can help you repair your lives as a team; and if you want to go separate ways, we’ll work to make sure neither of you takes any faulty patterns into future relationships. The direction we head in is entirely up to you.

My partner wants to talk everything to death—it’s done. I don’t see why we have to keep at it.

I can imagine it’s both frustrating and tiring to repeatedly hash out the same issue. But simply put— talking isn’t necessarily communicating. If a certain issue keeps resurfacing, it likely means that you could both talk until you are blue in the face without ever resolving anything. Working with a marriage and couples counselor teaches you not only how to express yourself but, more importantly, how to listen. Once each of you can truly hear the other and respond accordingly, you can begin finding common ground.

I’m afraid that couples counseling will reveal something that will damage the relationship further.

The fantasy of what could go wrong in sessions is often much worse than the reality of therapy. If you’re willing, we can explore that worst-case scenario and why it’s an issue. Whatever you are afraid of, I’m here to make your life and relationship better not worse. So whether you want to explore that fear and where it comes from—or avoid it altogether—it’s up to you. Though transparency benefits most relationships, I’ll always respect your concerns and avoid anything you’re not ready to talk about.

Let Me Help You And Your Loved One Find Common Ground

If you are ready to repair your relationship or marriage and grow as both an individual and a partner, I would be honored to help. Please call (212) 475-3488 or contact me to set up an appointment for a free, 15 to 20-minute phone consultation to see how couples counseling may be able to help you.

At the moment, due to Covid-19, all couples counseling services are being conducted online.

Recent Posts