Codependency Explained: What To Watch Out For

If you were to describe a healthy relationship, what are some of the words that you would use?

Caretaker. Dependent. Giving. Generous. Reliable. Supportive.

Would any of the words listed above make up your list? These all seem like really great qualities in a relationship, right? Not so fast.

Although these may seem like great qualities to bring or to have in any of the relationships in your life, they also may be a sign of a not-so-great characteristic: Codependency.

Let's learn more about codependency and what to watch out for.

What is Codependency?

Codependency is a type of relationship where a person may rely heavily on another in order to meet their emotional and psychological needs. Codependency can happen in any type of relationship - friendships, between family members, coworkers, or in romantic relationships.

Signs of Codependency

Individuals who are codependent typically share a lot of the same characteristics no matter the exact cause of the codependency. Let's look at some of the most common signs of codependency so you know what to watch out for.

Difficulty Communicating Thoughts and Feelings

If someone who is codependent was taught that their wants and needs were unimportant as a child, they may struggle to recognize or describe their thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs in their adulthood. Due to never having to dive deeper into their thoughts and feelings, they have a more difficult time understanding how they feel or think about certain things. If and when they do recognize how they're feeling or thinking about a certain topic, want, or need, they still may feel fear or embarrassment about sharing them with someone else.

Fear of Abandonment

Codependency often stems from a fear of abandonment. In order to try to combat the inner anxiety that one is feeling, one may develop an unhealthy amount of dependence on the relationships in their life. Individuals in codependent relationships will often lose a sense of themselves and identify as a partnership.

No Boundaries

Codependent individuals usually have little to no boundaries. Since they don't really have an understanding of their own wants and needs, they have a more difficult time being able to separate those from others. They will tend to prioritize other people's wants and needs over their own. They'll even go as far as offering their own personal possessions, money, or selves in order to help others. Even if they're in a situation where they're being harmed mentally or physically, they may still have a difficult time saying "no".

People Pleasing

Codependent individuals often take on the caretaker role in a lot of their relationships. They feel the need to fix, please, or accommodate the wants and needs of others, even sacrificing their own wants and needs. The people-pleasing tendencies will go as far as attaining approval, even at the cost of their own mental health, well-being, thoughts, and views.

Next Steps

Relying on others for additional help and support or allowing them to depend on you is completely normal, especially if it's done in moderation. If you're the type of person who enjoys depending on others or having others depend on you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, but you have to make sure that you're still maintaining your own sense of identity and going after your wants and needs.

Since codependency is a learned behavior, it's possible to reframe your way of thinking and feeling for a healthier approach toward the relationships in your life. If you or a loved one is struggling with signs of codependency, it may be time to seek additional support from a therapist.

A therapist will be able to work with you to help you recognize the signs of being codependent. Once recognized, they'll work with you to help address those signs, as well as begin the process of reconnecting with yourself.

It's time to put yourself first again. Reach out to me today to set up a consultation for couples counseling.