5 Tips For Communicating With Your Partner When Angry

You can feel your blood boiling. Your body temperature feels like it has increased by several degrees.

You're emotional. You aren't quite sure how you will react when your partner walks through the front door.

Let's face it: You're angry.

You know you need to chat with your partner, but you're sick of yelling, screaming, and going to bed not speaking to one another.

Whether your anger was caused by your partner, an event that happened during your day, or a mixture of both, you still need to be able to communicate. Your partner and you should both feel safe and secure in your relationship to communicate, through the good times and the bad times.

Here are 5 tips for communicating with your partner when you're angry.

1. Take Ownership

Take responsibility and ownership over your thoughts, actions, and feelings. It's okay to be emotional. It's part of human nature and part of who you are. If you're angry, be clear and direct with your partner about why you're feeling and thinking the way that you do.

Try to always use "I" instead of "you" when speaking as well. This simple switch of a word can help you and your partner be open and not instantly fall into defense mode. When you keep your statements about yourself, it's easier for your partner to better understand and see your side of things.

2. Don't Try to Win

When you're in a disagreement with your partner, you should never try to win the conversation. Disagreements and arguments aren't a game where you're keeping score and trying to win. The outcome should be beneficial for both you and your partner. Instead of trying to win, you should be working towards finding a solution that benefits both sides.

3. Listen

When you're angry, it can be easy to think about the things you're going to say next instead of listening to your partner. If you're actually trying to communicate effectively, it means that you need to put an equal effort into listening as you do when you're speaking. Take turns with your partner on speaking and listening so that you can truly understand what the other person is saying and feeling and work towards improving things for both of you.

4. Take Time to Cool Off

If you've tried communicating with one another, but your emotions keep getting in the way, it may be time to take a break from the conversation. Taking a break can be good for both of you to come back to the conversation later once you've cooled off a bit.

If things are starting to look or feel heated, suggest that you take a break for around thirty minutes and come back to the conversation. Make sure you specify that you're not leaving the conversation, but that you'd like to come back to it again in a bit. Go in separate rooms or take a walk outside around your neighborhood.

5. Ask for Help

Sometimes, it can be hard to not let your emotions get the best of you. If you and your partner are struggling when it comes to communicating, it's okay! You're not alone. That isn't automatically a red flag that you're not good for one another, it just means that you may need a little extra help communicating with each other.

If you've tried communicating on your own and it doesn't seem to be getting you anywhere, an outside third party like a therapist can be extremely beneficial. A therapist will work with you and your partner to help drive the conversation in the right direction. They can also teach you skills and ways to improve future communications.

Next Steps

Even if you're partner isn't interested in couples therapy, you can still attend your own individual session to help you better understand your own thoughts, emotions, and feelings.

If you're interested in individual therapy or couples counseling a way to improve your and your partner's communication, reach out to me today.