Engaging In Conflict In Healthier Ways Is Possible, Here's How

When you think of conflict, you probably think of yelling, screaming, pointing fingers, and red faces. Conflict is often seen as a bad thing, a negative. It's looked at by many people as something that should be avoided.

Conflict can actually be a good thing. You just have to change your perspective on it. What usually happens after conflict? Resolution usually happens. That means that the two parties who may have disagreed with one another came together for a solution to the problem.

Conflict is what helps you get your point across. It can also help you see where the other person is coming from. You both put it all on the table. Everything is out in the open.

Conflict doesn't have to be a bad thing. Engaging in a conflict in healthier ways is possible. Let's find out how.

Be Selective With Your Wording

Make sure you're thinking before you're speaking and being mindful of the words and phrases you're using. For example, if you make "you" statements like "You always make me feel this way" or "You should do this instead of that", it can cause the other person to go into defense mode. Instead of opening themselves up to hearing what you're saying, they may feel the need to close themselves off in order to protect themselves. Try utilizing "I" statements instead. This can help you avoid playing the blame game and instead focus in on your thoughts and feelings.

Don't Fight to Win

Conflict resolution should never be about fighting to win, no matter the topic or who you may be in a disagreement with. The goal of conflict is to find a solution that works for both parties. You have to give a little to get a little. No person should leave a conflict feeling like they had to sacrifice more than the other person. You're in this together, every step of the way. That includes fighting it out and coming together towards a solution that benefits everyone.

Listening is Just as Important as Speaking

During the conflict, it can be easy to want to speak your mind or to think about what you're going to say next instead of really listening to the other person. You wouldn't want the person you're speaking with to not really be listening to you, so you need to make sure you're showing the same respect that you're hoping for. Make sure you're fully present and engaged in the conversation. This includes turning off any distractions and keeping your body language in mind as well. If it helps, repeat some of the phrases the other person is saying back to them. This will make them realize that you're paying attention and acknowledging what they're saying to you.

Be Open, Honest, and Direct

One of the best ways to ensure that you're engaging in healthy conflict is to have both sides be open, honest, and direct with one another. If you have something to say, speak up. Make sure you're getting everything out in the open and not holding back, in a respectful way of course. You want to make sure that you're not going to leave the conversation not feeling like anything was resolved. If you have something that's been on your mind, clearly communicate your expectations so that everyone can be on the same page.

Next Steps

Conflict may feel like something that should be avoided at all costs, but it doesn't have to be. Healthy conflict can be extremely beneficial to any type of relationship. If you're unsure of where to start, reaching out for extra help may be what you're looking for.

Working with a therapist can help you feel confident in your thoughts and feelings so that you're able to speak to others about them. Reach out today if you're interested in setting up a consultation for couples therapy.