Breaking The Cycle Of Learned Dysfunctional Family Communication Patterns

You may have your mother's eyes, your dad's smile, your grandpa's height, or your grandma's love of baking.

There are certain traits that can be passed down to you. You inherit physical and emotional traits from your family members. You also pick up on learned behaviors just by watching or listening to how your family interacts with one another.

If you were raised in a home where your parents made you sit down at a dinner table and eat as a family every single night, you're more likely to implement that same routine when you grow older and have your own family.

If you were raised in a home where your parents fought daily, you're more likely to end up in a similar situation, especially when it comes to challenging conversations.

Unfortunately, both positive and negative traits can be passed down from generation to generation. Luckily, you can stop the cycle from continuing.

Let's learn more about breaking the cycle of learned dysfunctional family communication patterns.

Make Yourself Aware

The best way to start the process of breaking the cycle is to make yourself aware of the problem. You can't keep sweeping this under the rug. Admitting that there is a problem is the first step and the only way to implement change. Take some time to learn more about your family and the dysfunction that you're seeing. When you learn more about it, you'll be able to better speak to the situation if and when you're ready to bring it up to other members of your family.

Take Responsibility

"It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me." This line from Taylor Swift's new song, Anti-Hero, is a perfect representation of this. You are completely responsible for yourself and your own beliefs, actions, feelings, thoughts, and emotions. Even if you learned some behaviors, you have the ability to realize it may not be the best and correct them moving forward.

Give Yourself Grace

The dysfunction didn't form overnight, so it's going to take longer than a day to implement change. Give yourself a little grace during this time. It will take a lot of effort, dedication, and time, but getting started will be the hardest part.

It's okay if you need to distance yourself a bit from your family while you're working through the family dysfunction. You don't want to move five steps forward and feel like you're getting pulled three steps back. Allow yourself enough time to move forward in your own life. Distancing yourself doesn't mean that you love your family any less.

Lean On Your Support System

If you don't feel like you can lean on your family during this time, reach out to your friends or chosen family for support. Dedicate time and energy to the relationships that you already find comfort and support. Hanging out with your friends can be a great distraction from what you're experiencing. If you feel comfortable enough, talking about how you're feeling can also be a great way to vent so you don't feel the need to hold everything in.

Go to Therapy

Seeking help from a licensed and trained third party like a therapist can help ensure that you're on the right track. Overcoming years and years of family dysfunction isn't an easy task. The fact that you're willing to try speaks volumes.

A therapist can help you figure out where the dysfunction may have started. They'll also be able to help you determine the negative thoughts, actions, and behaviors that are leading to the dysfunction. Over time, you'll learn new, healthy, and positive ways to turn that dysfunction into function.

Reach out to learn more about anxiety treatment or family therapy and how both can help you manage the stress that comes with families.