Why Are We Always Arguing?

Fighting is inevitable when you are in a relationship. After all, the two of you do not share the same mind and you are different people. You both were brought up differently with contrasting ideas about conflict resolution.

You may notice that you and your partner have been getting into fights about the same things over and over. It could be things like wanting to go out when your partner wants to stay in, cleaning the house when your partner thinks it is fine the way it is, conflict resolutions with your children, and more. Finding common ground seems impossible when these same fights come up. It can be very tiring and energy-wasting to have the same fights with the same resolution.

By discovering why you and your partner continuously have the same fights, you can come up with healthy resolutions together.

Your Upbringing

The first relationship you ever saw was with your parents. If you ever saw your parents fight, you also saw the lack of resolution. The day after their fight, it looks as if it never happened because they decided to forget about it. This teaches you to continue putting off conflict resolutions because you believe there is none.

When you argue with your partner, ask yourself if you mimic how your parents resolve conflict because you, yourself, do not know what to do. It is possible these behaviors have been ingrained into your mind since childhood.

Now that are aware that you are copying your parents' actions, you can learn from them. It is important to remind yourself that just because your parents were not able to find solutions to their arguments does not mean you cannot. Most relationship issues have the potential for reconciliation.

Protecting Your Ego

If you get defensive whenever your partner calls you out on something or simply disagrees, you are protecting your ego. Any words that make you feel attacked will cause you to quickly attack back. Your partner will not want to communicate with you if they feel like you are not taking what they say to heart or are quick to argue. While you may feel empowered through anger, you are only pushing your partner away.

Your partner's criticism may be more about them than about you. You know who you are. Take a moment to reflect on what your partner is saying to you instead of being defensive so quickly. Have empathy and understanding with what your partner is trying to say as you may be more focused on their tone than content.

Differences Between the Two

Sometimes, certain fights are inevitable between two people because of your differences. You may be an extroverted person while your partner is introverted. When you want to have a date night out, your partner may prefer to stay in. While you may be very talkative, your partner is usually quiet which may irk you at times.

Instead of treating your differences as an attack on you, keep in mind it is nothing personal. There are certain qualities about a person that may never change. If there are things you and your partner will never agree about, this is the time to compromise. One day, let your partner have their way. Another day, your partner will let you win. Sometimes, agreeing to disagree is the best thing to avoid the two of you looking down on each other.

Are you still struggling with how to resolve conflict with your partner? Speaking to a therapist can help you. Reach out to me today to schedule your first appointment.