Trouble Handling Authority? Tips To Make It Easier

Some people have a hard time dealing with authority figures – those who direct us professionally or influence us in our personal lives. An authority figure can be your parents, boss, teacher, doctor, religious leader, someone with a higher social status, etc. It’s not unusual for someone to start their own business rather than work in the corporate world where they have to submit to the bureaucratic order.

Toddlers and, especially, teens frequently exhibit rebellious attitudes but, in general, that’s a natural part of the child’s development and eventual psychological separation from parents. If the rebellion goes too far, a child can get into all sorts of trouble, like getting expelled from school.

Rebellion in adult life can lead to disastrous consequences like losing a job, getting passed over for a promotion or raise or the loss of a love relationship. It can contribute to problems in one’s relationship with family and friends.

The inability to cope with others’ influence over us can be conspicuous or subtle. It may be unconsciously driven, deriving from interactions in childhood with parents, one’s original authority figures, such that the person has no idea why their work and personal relationships suffer. This is often what drives people to seek out therapy.

Having said all that, there are times when defying authority can work. I’ve had clients who disagreed with their managers for lying to customers. Civil disobedience is a form of rebellion against authority yet can be for the social good.

Here are some tips on how to handle authority to ensure you have a good relationship with everyone around you.

Attentive Listening

If you have problems with authority, anger may come naturally whenever a real or imagined authority figure approaches you. You may quickly become defensive or hostile. Yet, that person may not have malicious intent.

Instead of turning to anger, listen first to what this person has to say to you. For example, a cop may tell you to pull over to let you know your tail lights are broken. It is not to tell you that you are being arrested or to insult you. This officer is just doing their job for your safety and others. Interruptions can lead to misunderstandings. Focus exactly on what is being said to you. Think about whether you’re really reacting to what just happened or is something undefinable setting you off?

Use Empathy

If you picture yourself in the shoes of the other person, you will understand that someone telling you what to do is not to make you suffer. It can be out of concern, protection, or for you to be your best self. Remember, too, that you may be reacting to something you’re unconsciously associating to the current situation.

Show Respect

You may not always want to be nice to those telling you things that you do not want to hear, but in most interpersonal exchanges you still have to be respectful either because of the other person’s position or in an effort to resolve conflict. Remember, every action has consequences. In the workplace, you may be seen as not being a team player. Being defiant can cost you a raise or bonus. In life, it can cost you a relationship.

Are you still struggling with how to handle authority as a professional? Speaking to a therapist can help you. Reach out to me today to schedule your first appointment.