3 Ways To Keep The Peace With Your In-Laws

Growing up, you may have had plenty of clashes with your parents. Well, imagine having to deal with another set of parents who have their finger on everything you do.

Over time, it becomes easier when friction occurs between your parents. After all, you grew up with them so you know what makes them upset and what makes them calm. Your in-laws, on the other hand, can be a different story. 

You may have a hard time getting along with your in-laws if they tend to interfere with your marriage or family. If your spouse has complained to their parents about a little marital spat, your in-laws may want to "fix" the problem. It can also be challenging when your in-laws want to parent your kids. You may not know what the right thing to do or say is to your in-laws.

Here are three tips on how to keep the peace with your in-laws as well as a good relationship with them.

1. Compromise

Your in-laws may feel like they need to be included in every family vacation. They may feel like because they live out of town, holidays are the only opportunities to see you all. While you may not resent your in-laws, you want your own alone time with your family as well. The same can be said if your in-laws live in town and want to spend every weekend with you.

In order for things to be okay with everyone, it is going to require some compromise. For example, show some distance between your parents as well so your spouse does not think it is personal. That way, your spouse sees you are willing to make some sacrifices too. It does not mean that your in-laws can never play a role in your life. Let your in-laws know that they are free to have frequent phone calls. You can also let your in-laws know that this coming weekend may not work for a family outing, but the next one will.

2. Soften the Blow

It can be easy to get angry at your in-laws when they interfere with your parenting. Maybe your in-laws have made you feel like a bad parent when they tell you your kids are playing too many video games or the foods they eat. While it is important to stand up for yourself, yelling or insulting your in-laws will not help.

You can state your position directly by saying, "My child only plays video games just for an hour after school." Let them know you are angry for interfering, but then end your message in a soft manner. It can be something like "I know you are just trying to help, but I know how to take care of my kid." Your in-laws need to know that while it is nice to express concern out of care, you are the parent.

3. Be Careful Complaining to Your Spouse

If peace is to be achieved between you and your in-laws, the same needs to be said between you and your spouse. It is one thing to complain to your spouse if their parents over-step. It is another if you turn your spouse against them. You will be fighting a war alone against your spouse and their parents where no one wins.

Have an honest talk with your spouse about your feelings towards their parents. Remember to come from a place of compassion instead of attack. Explain you want to have a good relationship with your in-laws and still maintain being a spouse and parent. There is a good chance that your spouse feels the same way as you do. If you and your spouse are on the same page, you can be a great team.

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If you are struggling to make peace with your in-laws, it could be affecting your relationship. Reach out to us today to schedule your first appointment.